Refreshing
The rain here is a good thing. We miss the hot summer days that visited in May but here we are on a grey day with rain pouring down and it's a good thing. The south-east's farmers are operating under drought conditions and here in the west we've had the driest spring in a long time. Wind and rain are not friends to chickens but my little brood have lots of shelter in their henhouse and hedges, the greenhouse and, most often, in the porch by the front door where they sit and grumble for hours on end. Idgie has been broody for about two months, causing huge problems for the other girls but this morning she got out of bed of her own accord. Maybe she likes the cooler weather. Or it makes her nesting spot less attractive.
Forward motion
- I got three clear nights of good sleep and it made a huge difference. Years of sleep deprivation, never really recouped, take their toll and turn me into a bear in dire need of a hibernation cave. I need to pay more attention to this.
- We started making big glasses of fresh green juice in the morning and I swear an effect is instant. Obviously the big things change more slowly but my body felt as parched as our garden before this rain and soaked up the goodness with a sigh of relief and pleasure.
- There's an Anusara yoga studio in the town where I work and I went with a friend from the office to the first of five introductory lessons. Loved it. The teacher is wonderful; the studio is new, beautiful and rich in nag champa, chants and chai for all. I came away stretched, challenged and filled with an inner heat I haven't felt since I was attuned to Reiki. Channels were opened, dude.
- Friends did me proud this week and I drew great pleasure from realising just how many amazing women I know who are happy to pull me back up onto my feet when I'm in a crumbled heap even as they face their own struggles. I love you.
- Fabric-shopping for my sewing commission - felt pots - was fascinating and convinced me that in some cases, vintage and repurposing is by far the best option. Ack, the prices. Felt I'll buy new but for the rest I'll go with off-cuts sold in bundles and great material found in secondhand stores.
- Talking of which, as our little cottage home overflows with my finds I've decided to put my eye to good use and start an online vintage store. I could stock it twice over right now and as soon as I have some good photos, I will.
- Finally, in the shallow department, I dug out my old hair straighteners and put them to work. My growing-out hair had reached the stage where the only respectable option was a big woolly hat and it's June so that's a problem in itself. I love how straighteners can add an inch to your hair and make it look..er..better. At least when you have hair that is not straight, not wavy, not curly, just a bit warped in places with a tendency to develop 'mushroom head' (no, that's not me).
So. There. A hard week turned out well after all and I ticked boxes on five out of six of the Project Me boxes. And seeing as I signed at least three petitions I suppose I can half tick that last one too.
Okay next week, bring it on. But if you could be dry on Tuesday morning so I can work outside then that'd be awesome. Kthxbai.
x
Yirah
Thinking about the future version of me (I need a snappy little nickname for her/me) that I'm inspired by and determined to be, I was aware of a 'something', a quality I couldn't pinpoint that was a major part of the difference between her and me. Then it became obvious...she has a serenity, an air of peace that I've always wanted but never achieved.
I get stressed. Anxious.
There are variations on anxiety, I think. For example, in some people it's quiet, apologetic and fearful but in me it's ferocious and hot and likely to result in much cleaning and worrying about the emotions of inanimate objects. I wind tighter than a tight thing and the only way out is..is..water. Yep. Lowering myself into a bath is like plunging a hot pan into cold water. Ttttttssssssssssssss aaand relax.
(I just went to find something about negative ions and discovered they've been found to affect serotonin levels. Ah, serotonin my old friend. Again.)
Growing up, I dealt with my anxiety with movement and so now, with anxiety and extra weight as issues, I need to get moving.
I'd run. But I hate it. No I do and I have bad knees and I don't stick at it and I have to face up to that fact.
I'd hoop and I do, but I can only do it outside because we live in The Burrow, so I need something less seasonal.
The gym? No thanks. I'm an ex-fitness instructor/gym manager and gyms make me come out in a rash. See also: no money.
Let's face it, we're looking at yoga. Only me and yoga never got on. I tried it once and was unlucky enough to happen upon a Very Bad Class. I have a couple of DVDs but...meh. I'm in awe of Marianne Elliott and we have mutual friends who confirm she's The Real Deal so I signed up for a 30 Days of Yoga thingy. Didn't do it. I know, I KNOW but I'm just really crap at letting life get in the way. And yes, can you say 'resistance'?
Yesterday solved it for me. There I was thinking how the f*** am I going to get all serene and shit (you see my problem?) and some stuff happened. Stuff. It happened.
Firstly, I read a great blog piece by Tara Sophia Mohr about fear and awe. I liked it, I understood it, but I didn't really relate in any huge way.
Secondly, I took my mp3 player to bed with me and wasn't in the mood for my usual choices of music/meditations. Instead I decided to listen again to an interview with Seane Corn that I downloaded from Being (thanks to Tracie for introducing me to Being). I'd half-listened before but had been distracted by cooking dinner and that was that.
This time I was wasn't distracted, I was riveted. Here was my answer and wait...it's YOGA? *tipsbackheadandcriesNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
But everything Seane said made perfect sense to me. I was enthralled. And when they got to talking about body prayer I knew I was home. Seriously.
This morning I was still thinking about the interview and how it made me feel. I realised that Tara's description of yirah summed it up nicely. And that my former block to yoga was a definite example of how the things that are most important to us invoke the greatest resistance.
So. Here's my second step into self care and another - because it's always been an active area for me - into my spirituality: I'm going to revisit my 30 Days of Yoga. I'm going to look for a good, reasonably-priced yoga class that I can attend.
I tell you, this is taking some courage because I already know it's going to release some stuff that's been sitting around for way too long (and I don't just mean my backside).
.
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image (c) Chantel Pare
