Great week off. Great. And now I'm back at the project. The project where I get myself into shape so that I can hit 50 with a big old smile on my face.
So many things to sort out, so many challenges. I want to avoid using this blog as therapy - god knows I've done enough of that in the past and yay for that - but I do want to journal life. Keep a record. Be able to map my progress.
Here are the basics:
Health
I'm great at the cerebral and spiritual stuff. My introversion means I'm a lifelong devotee of contemplation. In another life I would have made an awesome monk. The physical stuff, not so much. Despite years of training, practice and experience my poor body has been ignored in recent years. Communication has stopped at my neck. I'm reopening the channels and asking for forgiveness from my body. We're reuniting. I'm fully planning on being able to stop referring to my body in the third person.
This means more of the same spiritually but also exercise and nutrition...nutrition is huge, grounding. All round love of my temple, man.
Activism/service
I work for a charity/non-profit. I love my job, despite it being in the often dull but essential fundraising/marketing department. I know that people make a difference. I know that in the right hands an online petition is a powerful political tool. I know that your £3 a month really DOES help. I know social media has revolutionised this area of work.
I can't afford to give much money - although I will always find some. I don't have a lot of time. I can do a lot of awareness-raising and spreading of online words. I tend to hold back because I've feared my interweb friends will find it boring or intrusive or offensive. Well you know what, there's a lot of really offensive stuff out there that's more important. So if you see me having a rant or asking for a signature and it ruffles your feathers and annoys you...move along. I'll be back to the other stuff in just a moment. I'll not be pointing fingers at anyone I know, I'll be turning a light on some dark places. Look away if you like. That's your karma, this is mine.
Maybe I'll separate it out somehow...another Twitter feed or something.
Money
Because, yes, not so much with the financial good sense or attitude. Abundant thinking has not been my friend. But I'm shaking that up and telling myself that money is not the root of all evil, it is A Good Thing and I am more than capable of making some. Seriously, I'm rubbish at this stuff and I'm buried deeeeeeep in impoverished thinking in so many ways. My values are screwed. No more. Business is fun. Money to survive is even more funnerer.
Walking softly on this earth
Yeah that. Too big to put into a paragraph here but I've got to walk the soft walk. It matters to me that we think humans have dominion. We do not.
Parenting
Huge. Massive. Every child is special and brings their unique blessings and challenges. My child was adopted transracially, transculturally and without us knowing that she had been separated from her identical twin who now lives on the other side of the planet. Oh and she's five, brilliant, funny, stubborn as all hell, opinionated, confrontational and has a heart the size of a planet. I don't always rise to the challenges with compassion, grace and/or intelligence. I want and need to. Love is always there but contrary to the lyrics of a popular song, it is not all you need. We made decisions on her behalf when she was too young to have an input. I need to stand up and be the parent she deserves and she deserves the best. I'm not talking perfect - oh please, parenting is bloody hard work a lot of the time - but I could do way, way better than I do.
And just to prove I'm not entirely made of wannabe-worthiness...
My appearance
Let's see...my skin, my hair, my body shape, my weight...the whole deal. Because this last couple of years have aged me and turned me into a mess and once upon a time I was quite hot. I'd like to be a quite warm 50 something. I'm very okay with that.
So that's the project. I think. It will change and so will I; I think I've established that pattern at least. But I want to try to have some kind of North Star to guide me on the days when I'm floundering and bad-tempered and frustrated and comfort-eating and full of a desire to run away with the circus. Actually I'd like a whole lot less of those days. That would be a good result.
If you're making or experiencing changes or have made them and now live the way you've always thought you could; if you have your own 'project' or dream, leave me a comment or a link. I'd love to know more about you.
x
